Hank Schroeder and his search for rocks (I mean minerals)
by 1944a
Summary: Obviously contains Breaking Bad spoilers. Hank spots a rock (Er, mineral) but it is stolen by someone! Marie visits a dysfunctional White family. Jesse cooks meth!
1. Its a mineral moron!

One day, Jesse Pinkman was smoking a cigarette on his front porch. "Bitch," he said, and went inside.

Hank Schroeder went outside of his house to temporarily avoid the mess of purple that his wife, Marie, had used in dangerous amounts. He then saw a rock (Whoops, I mean mineral) coming down a hill. "I must get that mineral!" He declared.

"Is that rock purple?" Marie asked.

Hank facepalmed and told Marie, "No, Marie, it's not purple and neither is it a rock. ITS A MINERAL!"

"OK, fine," Marie, saddened, replied. "I will go bother my sister who seems to hate me then." So Marie went to the house of Walter and Skylar White. She walked in with a purple dress and purple shoes. She took many pointless purple objects from out of her purse and put them in Walter White's living room.

Skylar was maddened by this. "You can't do that! That color is stupid! Blah, blah blah. Bitch, bitch bitch."

Marie started crying. Walter decided to comfort her. "Its ok. Its just Skylar's time of the month... every day..."

Meanwhile, Walter White and Jesse Pinkman went to work at Gus's place. "Bitch," Jesse said.

Hank then climbed the hill to see nothing but a note left. "Where is the mineral?" he questioned. He looked at the note. It read:

Dear Mr. Schroeder (Who else would obsess over a rock?)

I have taken your rock. It is purple unlike you told your stupid purple wife.

Gustavo Fring

P.S. I would advise that you start checking crazy old people who have to sit on wheelchairs and speak with a bell for bombs.

"Its a mineral!" Hank screamed in a crazy fit of man rage.

Hank told the DEA about the note and showed them. They thought that he was an idiot. Then the Salamanca cousins tried to kill him. "I must be getting closer to the mineral!" he told himself.

Hank arrived at one of the Los Pollos Hermanos restaurants. He then saw Gus. "You! Give me back my mineral!" he ordered.

"What rock?" Gus replied.

"Its a mineral!" Hank yelled. Hank then punched Gus.

Gus adjusted his tie and said, "This is not the time nor place to do this. Meet me later at the chicken coops."

Meanwhile, Jesse was cooking meth. "Bitch," he said.

Walt Jr. Walked into the living room to see Marie crying and Walter looking mad at Skylar. "M-m-mom, why do you have to b-be such a-a-a b-bitch!" he asked.

Skylar looked at him and yelled, "I am not the bitch! You are the bitch! Yea, you like that don't you? I had sex with Ted!"

"M-mom, what is wr-wr-wrong with you? Wh-wh-where's my br-breakfast?" Walt Jr. asked.

"Breakfast can wait," Skylar replied.

"No it can't!" Walt Jr. Yelled in a satanic demon-possessed voice.

Jesse stood still and said, "Yo, this stuff is the bomb. Its going to be continued later, bitch!"


	2. Breaking Fast

Jesse sat down on his porch and said, "Bitch."

Skylar was forced to make breakfast by Walt Jr.

Jesse took a pair of binoculars and stalked the Whites. "Bitch," he said.

Hank and Gus beat each other up for half an hour. Then, it got boring and tiresome. Hank left and went to Casa Tranquila to get a certain bargaining chip. He then returned. "Hey Gus!" he yelled. "Give me my mineral or... I'll throw a person-bomb at you?"

"What kind of 'person-bomb'?" Gus asked.

"A wheelchair guy with a bell!" Hank answered.

"Whoa! Let's not get hasty! Ok. Here's your stupid rock. happy now?" Gus said as he gave Hank the rock (I mean, uh, mineral).

"Its a mineral!" Hank yelled. He returned home victorious.

Jesse started to stalk Mike Ehrmantraut. "Bitch," He said.

Skylar made a huge breakfast meal.

"Can I have some?" Marie asked.

"No bitch! I may not car for my son, but you ain't getting this food stupid bitch!" Skylar yelled.

Walt Jr. scarfed all of the breakfast foods down his throat.

Jesse looked into the sky. "Bitch," he said. "Maybe more later, but not right now, bitch."


End file.
